I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
