Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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