i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
