so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
