Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
