and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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