dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
