Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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