I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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