I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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