I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
