I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My bed smells like the plague
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
