Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
