I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
