there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
