I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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