you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
