Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
