You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
