when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
