I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
