I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
