so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
