i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
