put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
