So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
