I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There r osticjed everywhere
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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