Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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