Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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