omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
