Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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