I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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