STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
