apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
