I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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