I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
