I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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