there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
