Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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