As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
