What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
