just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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