Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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