Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
