What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
