You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
