whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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