OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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