i would punch a child for taco bell
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
