im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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