I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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